My wishlist for FDI

The country has become a hotbed of debate due to government's decision to allow FDI in retail sector. Parliament is not functioning and media is enjoying the party.

As an opportunist let me also share my wishlist for FDI in India to take advantage of the situation..

• FDI in work ethics of Member of Parliaments.
• FDI in happiness. We have become too angry.
• FDI in tolerance. We are shooting people for as low as Rs. 20
• FDI in nightlife. We all are forced to sleep by midnight.
• FDI in civic sense. We are spreading too much dirt.
• FDI in good movies. We are producing too many stupid movies.
• FDI in good news channels where anchors don't have opinions.
• FDI in sports. We aren't winning much gold medals.
• FDI in fitness. We are carrying too many protruding bellies.
• FDI in good girls. They are becoming extinct. Too many Poonam Pandeys

Please help in taking them to appropriate ministry.

Deficient Human..

One of the biggest inability of humans is to make things as they were just before a moment. With time we creates imprints on life which cannot be erased. Often we wish, "Why can't the things be as they used to be ? ". Our sense are just one way traffic to our brain. They make us learn and remember. They do not help us in any way to do exactly the opposite - unlearn and forget at will. In this respect computers are more empowered and are at advantage to humans. Computers can forget very easily. Humans need this feature in them more than ever before with information flow increasing more than the flow of amazon.

An example,

A boy proposes a girl. This was after much deliberation, analysis and sleepless nights. He overcame all his inhibitions to propose her. He listened to his heart and was guided by intuition and positive vibes. He was enthusiastic yet careful. However, She thinks otherwise and says no. Nothing wrong in that.Certainly, not easy for the boy to take. Heartbroken, he sinks in his thoughts. Different threads of thoughts intertwines and creates a maze in the brain. He starts thinking beyond healthy limits. He becomes unreasonable. He may turn to alcohol. He may turn to violence.

Humans need to evolve more to forget and unlearn things at will.

Digvijay Singh to go on no-stupidity-fast

Now that L K Advani's rath-yatra is over, Digvijay Singh has announced that he will go on a 3 day no-stupidity-fast. Digvijay Singh who has become famous for his stupidity is all set to create a new market share in the market of politics of fast and intensify the competition. In an open letter sent to the press he has declared that he will not say a word of stupidity for 3 full days (not even to himself). Digvijay Singh has clarified that his stupidity is very dear to him and to refrain from something you love qualifies as a fast.

He has mentioned that his motive is to create awareness about stupidity and its great power. He wrote, "If stupidity is channelized properly through modern media then it can achieve unbelievable goals for this country such as giving people of India a chance to laugh in their otherwise busy and dull life." He further added that this is not a political stunt like Narendra Modi's fast or Advani's Rath Yatra because he doesn’t believe in stunts and only believe in acts of stupidity.  He said, he is yet to decide on the date of this innovative fast. First he is planning to go on a motorcycle-yatra with prince baba to ride a pillion to villages of India and educate people about stupidity. This motorcycle-yatra will start from bhatta-prasul. He ended the letter saying, “Every one has a democratic right to fast”.  

We all should support this act of honesty from Digvijay Singh, IF IT EVER HAPPENS.

Everyday Digvijay Singh says something and media air it as breaking news till he open his mouth again. Most of the time it is stupidity. Sometimes I wonder what will happen to media-shops if he stops talking to media ? May be we have enough people to feed the 24 X 7 news.

I was reading this Scott Adams blog and felt that our finance minister should try implement the idea by imposing a stupidity-tax in India. We can generate a huge revenue through it and reduce our fiscal deficit. Dig Singh and media will be the biggest stupidity-tax payers. Others to watch out would be Rakhi Sawant, Vishwa Bandhu Gupta, Kamaal Rashid Khan and so on.

Someone has said it right, Stupidity has no limits.

Peer pressure to write a movie review

A girl is reported to have gone into depression after watching Rockstar this weekend. No, this has nothing to do with the story of Rockstar or reducing blood counts of Nargis Fakhri. Actually, she could not write anything about it on her facebook wall as she could not decide whether she liked it or not even after watching it twice. While all her friends could decide whether they liked the movie or not and wrote something about it on their facebook wall, she could not come up with anything. She is under treatment from a Psychiatrist. The doctor is saying the peer pressure to write something about a movie on social media is enormous and she has become a victim of it. The doctor has prescribed her to watch Rockstar few more times and hopes that soon she will soon be able to make up her mind and will post something about it on her facebook wall. After that it is imperative that her friends click 'like' for her wall post.

Relax, the above is just all fiction. But for how long ?

These days not only you have to see a movie but also provide a review of it on facebook, twitter or blog.
It is mandatory boss !

If you have seen the movie then it is obligatory you write something about it. Everyone has to be a critic to make this world a better place. This is a new flavor of peer pressure which is becoming widespread as a consequence of social media taking the shape of social insurance. I know some people who tweet from theatre as they see it. Something like live cricket commentary. I hate them. I want to crush their smartphone under my feet just like a cigarette is put to rest. 

This growing responsibility and urge to review a movie by everyone has made me come across some standard templates of review..

• Saw xyz today. The movie was good in first half but failed to keep the interest in second half (Now this might not work if producers become smart enough to run a movie without intermission. However, this is unlikely to happen due to popcorn, samosa, nachos and coke).
• Just back from xyz. The movie was good in parts.
• Saw raavan. Awesome cinematography as usual in a mani ratnam movie. ( I still don't know what exactly is cinematography. Drop in a comment if you know about it)
• A very good story directed poorly or no story but direction was good.
• Saw xyz. As the movie progressed, the plot was lost.
• Saw Ghajini. It is a remake of movie X from Hollywood and Y from Tamil.

I am not writing more. Send me a facebook friend request and I will read the review on your wall.

Wedding

Wedding...

• When you feel empowered enough to demand 3 weeks off from your boss.
• When you will give a 50 rupee note to anyone who blesses you and expect something from you.
• When the teetotaler family will not mind serving alcohol for guest and feel honored.
• When you will touch feet of hundreds of unknown people.
• When you feel interested in Sanskrit shlokas.
• When the photographer will do a photo shoot of you and your spouse on stage in front of everyone and you will think people are smiling instead of laughing.
• When you will wear those clothes which you will never get a chance to flaunt again.
• When every one of your uncles, aunts or friends wants to dress you and will keep on adjusting your dress.
• When your relatives blow trumphets inside your head.
• When you will just do rituals without questioning them.
• When each of your buas (paternal aunt) will come with her version of ritual. 
• When you may lose the license to drink and smoke.
• When everyone except you creates confusion.                                  

If you manage a (north) Indian wedding at home or of a relative, you do not need to learn management skills in B-Schools. If you can survive an (north) Indian home wedding, you will not get brain hemorrhage in your lifetime. Yes, home weddings does a stress test on you.

Letters

I get plenty of emails daily.
I miss letters.
Everybody seems to know my email address but I think if someone has to send me some letter or parcel, he will first call me to know my postal address.

There is a constant pressure to keep up the pace with technology. More so when your work involves technology or you make a living out of it.  If you are not aware of a new smartphone launch in USA on the very next day, you can be comfortably labeled as a layman - which is becoming a derogatory word. Though one was supposed to sleep in India while the launch was taking place in USA. With every new innovation, technology wipes out things from environment or culture. It makes them redundant.

Email is one such product of this fertile specie called technology that has brought a paradigm shift and has made so many things obsolete. Letters written in hand are its biggest causality. Emails don't have a handwriting, they just have fonts. A neat and beautiful handwriting was definitely a impressive skill. No one cares now. Indian post office has lost his daily load of those yellow cards and thin blue papers which were once precious to keep life going.

Emails are fast and make business so effective but somehow I think they fail to strike a personal note. A letter of appreciation written in hand seems more valuable than an email. In schools we were taught letter-writing. The teachers worked hard to teach basics of letter writing such as to always have a subject in business letter and so on. Emails are smart enough to remind us that we have not written a subject if we try to send it without one. Aren't we becoming dumb by relying more on software ? Technology also contribute to generation gap. Parents find it difficult to adopt email and children consider letters not in vogue.

Humans like to create more choice and make their life difficult by picking among those choices. Technology is helping creating those choices. Many a times we say, "It was better when there was only one TV channel- Doordarshan. Now it is only about changing channels through remote and watching nothing effectively". However, this will continue. Humans embrace change brought in by themselves.May be in few decades email will get extinct too. Who knows ?

Technology can make you feel happy but if nostalgia strikes you often, technology can make you sad.

My Dear Govt.

Dear Govt,

I was told that you are keeping a eye on online activity. Hence i wrote this assuming you will read it.

My teachers taught me, 'Democracy is a form of government which is for the people, by the people and of the people'. Back then, I crammed this definition because my comprehension was so poor that i could not understand its meaning. I wish i had not understood it till today. This definition doesn't hold true at least for today. Today it was demon-cracy. Govt can cite laws for Anna Hazare arrest but was it the only way to handle it ? If Anna Hazare was taken for a breakfast this morning with Prime Minister, it would been such a nice gesture than the attempts made to break fast.

Gandhiji protested heavily against British rule. He was put in jail multiple times. That made the national movement even more stronger. British government thought it would help them govern India but it back fired. Are we thinking similarly to British company ? Or are we refuting the fact that Gandhi's method of accepting jail did not reinforced our struggle ? Or we teach something in history books and practice entirely opposite ? Or have we outsourced our brains to balance out the outsourcing done to India ?

One minister said, "Anna fast may have caused traffic problems, others have rights too, to work, to walk on the roads". Sir, for once i thought you are the most caring minister then i thought, What about traffic jams caused by yours red light decorated cars ? Once I was stuck in a traffic jam on a hot noon for one hour in Pune because your party guys had come to Pune to party after winning elections in Maharashtra. I waited helplessly in frustration. Next time i face that i will try to call you. You imposed Section 144 and some silly conditions at JP Park for Anna Hazare fast. Please do the same when a political party rally is held next time anywhere. We all know how public property and resources are used to organize such events.

Your leading party spokesperson said, "Anna Hazare is corrupt citing a 10 year old report, so he should not speak against corruption". Why you didn't do anything against Anna for 10 years ? Were you trying to establish the widely pervasive belief that we are very poor at law enforcement? Or you were waiting for the right moment ? If we go by this logic then we can deduce that i lose my right to speak against corruption for my entire life if i have ever paid a bribe. Then it would have been better to say that since most of us has paid a bribe we cannot protest.

The whole issue has become a point of arguments in newsrooms. Some one will put a argument, other will put a counter argument. They will fight like vamps do in Ekta Kapoor's daily soap. Can't we keep things simple ? What is wrong with discussing ( forget accepting it) a bill carrying sentiments of your own people ? Is our constitution so inflexible that it cannot stretch itself to accommodate aspirations of people of India ? Common we have accepted your laws for so many years, and you don't have the heart to discuss one such from people ? Yes, there is a likelihood of it setting a wrong precedent. But do you think people are fool to protest at such large scale at every such issue ? Yes, we must be, that's why we elected you.

You have taught a great lesson: We have to realize that when we elect toothless leaders we have to accept a toothless bill. Now the onus is on us.

Thanks