Government || IT company

Imagine this government working as a business unit of an Information Technology company. For some time now, the only project that this IT company is busy with is to save the government from embarrassment. Other projects have taken the backseat. The operational cost is increasing with each scam that keep coming to surface. Some parallels between present government affairs and IT company/project/team..

• Prime Minister, Dr. Manmohan Singh is the delivery manager who has no idea of what is being delivered to the nation.
• Pranab Mukherjee is the Support Manager with excellent trouble shooting techniques. He is being overused and paying the price of poor quality of governance (software). The frustration in him was quite evident when he said, "I don't know where this country is going ?" when media seeked his reaction over a man slapping Sharad Pawar. Time to make him president and let him relax in Goa.
• S.M. Krishna only work is to go onsite and shake hands with Hinna Rabbani Khar & Hillary Clinton.
• 10 Janpath is the HR department with Sonia Gandhi as its head. Whenever there is a problem, employees rush to it. P Chidambaram and Pranab Mukherjee had that kind of race to reach 10 Janpath recently over 2G note row. 
• Digvijay Singh and Kapil Sibal are senior developers who still introduces more bugs than junior developers.
• A. Raja and Suresh Kalmadi were two account managers who were fired reluctantly for making customers unhappy. Well, customers are still unhappy.
• Anna Hazare & his team is doing a great testing. The testing has also been outsourced to media and citizenry beautifully.
• Rahul Gandhi is (still) a fresher with Digvijay Singh as his mentor. Performance of both of them is below expectations on the bell curve and can be considered for performance improvement plan.
• Government's Capability Maturity Model (CMM) has taken a serious beating by Comptroller and Auditor General (CAG) of India in recent times.
• Business Partners or allies such as Mamta Banerjee are not easy to please or negotiate with.
• DMK, an important business partner of government has made a nice and profitable business and is now distributing free gadgets.
• Parliament adjournments are like those server outages. The only difference being that, in case of government they are happening quite frequently and that too on weekdays.
• Parliament usually has very poor attendance. Employees are enjoying working from home. 

My wishlist for FDI

The country has become a hotbed of debate due to government's decision to allow FDI in retail sector. Parliament is not functioning and media is enjoying the party.

As an opportunist let me also share my wishlist for FDI in India to take advantage of the situation..

• FDI in work ethics of Member of Parliaments.
• FDI in happiness. We have become too angry.
• FDI in tolerance. We are shooting people for as low as Rs. 20
• FDI in nightlife. We all are forced to sleep by midnight.
• FDI in civic sense. We are spreading too much dirt.
• FDI in good movies. We are producing too many stupid movies.
• FDI in good news channels where anchors don't have opinions.
• FDI in sports. We aren't winning much gold medals.
• FDI in fitness. We are carrying too many protruding bellies.
• FDI in good girls. They are becoming extinct. Too many Poonam Pandeys

Please help in taking them to appropriate ministry.

Deficient Human..

One of the biggest inability of humans is to make things as they were just before a moment. With time we creates imprints on life which cannot be erased. Often we wish, "Why can't the things be as they used to be ? ". Our sense are just one way traffic to our brain. They make us learn and remember. They do not help us in any way to do exactly the opposite - unlearn and forget at will. In this respect computers are more empowered and are at advantage to humans. Computers can forget very easily. Humans need this feature in them more than ever before with information flow increasing more than the flow of amazon.

An example,

A boy proposes a girl. This was after much deliberation, analysis and sleepless nights. He overcame all his inhibitions to propose her. He listened to his heart and was guided by intuition and positive vibes. He was enthusiastic yet careful. However, She thinks otherwise and says no. Nothing wrong in that.Certainly, not easy for the boy to take. Heartbroken, he sinks in his thoughts. Different threads of thoughts intertwines and creates a maze in the brain. He starts thinking beyond healthy limits. He becomes unreasonable. He may turn to alcohol. He may turn to violence.

Humans need to evolve more to forget and unlearn things at will.

Digvijay Singh to go on no-stupidity-fast

Now that L K Advani's rath-yatra is over, Digvijay Singh has announced that he will go on a 3 day no-stupidity-fast. Digvijay Singh who has become famous for his stupidity is all set to create a new market share in the market of politics of fast and intensify the competition. In an open letter sent to the press he has declared that he will not say a word of stupidity for 3 full days (not even to himself). Digvijay Singh has clarified that his stupidity is very dear to him and to refrain from something you love qualifies as a fast.

He has mentioned that his motive is to create awareness about stupidity and its great power. He wrote, "If stupidity is channelized properly through modern media then it can achieve unbelievable goals for this country such as giving people of India a chance to laugh in their otherwise busy and dull life." He further added that this is not a political stunt like Narendra Modi's fast or Advani's Rath Yatra because he doesn’t believe in stunts and only believe in acts of stupidity.  He said, he is yet to decide on the date of this innovative fast. First he is planning to go on a motorcycle-yatra with prince baba to ride a pillion to villages of India and educate people about stupidity. This motorcycle-yatra will start from bhatta-prasul. He ended the letter saying, “Every one has a democratic right to fast”.  

We all should support this act of honesty from Digvijay Singh, IF IT EVER HAPPENS.

Everyday Digvijay Singh says something and media air it as breaking news till he open his mouth again. Most of the time it is stupidity. Sometimes I wonder what will happen to media-shops if he stops talking to media ? May be we have enough people to feed the 24 X 7 news.

I was reading this Scott Adams blog and felt that our finance minister should try implement the idea by imposing a stupidity-tax in India. We can generate a huge revenue through it and reduce our fiscal deficit. Dig Singh and media will be the biggest stupidity-tax payers. Others to watch out would be Rakhi Sawant, Vishwa Bandhu Gupta, Kamaal Rashid Khan and so on.

Someone has said it right, Stupidity has no limits.

Peer pressure to write a movie review

A girl is reported to have gone into depression after watching Rockstar this weekend. No, this has nothing to do with the story of Rockstar or reducing blood counts of Nargis Fakhri. Actually, she could not write anything about it on her facebook wall as she could not decide whether she liked it or not even after watching it twice. While all her friends could decide whether they liked the movie or not and wrote something about it on their facebook wall, she could not come up with anything. She is under treatment from a Psychiatrist. The doctor is saying the peer pressure to write something about a movie on social media is enormous and she has become a victim of it. The doctor has prescribed her to watch Rockstar few more times and hopes that soon she will soon be able to make up her mind and will post something about it on her facebook wall. After that it is imperative that her friends click 'like' for her wall post.

Relax, the above is just all fiction. But for how long ?

These days not only you have to see a movie but also provide a review of it on facebook, twitter or blog.
It is mandatory boss !

If you have seen the movie then it is obligatory you write something about it. Everyone has to be a critic to make this world a better place. This is a new flavor of peer pressure which is becoming widespread as a consequence of social media taking the shape of social insurance. I know some people who tweet from theatre as they see it. Something like live cricket commentary. I hate them. I want to crush their smartphone under my feet just like a cigarette is put to rest. 

This growing responsibility and urge to review a movie by everyone has made me come across some standard templates of review..

• Saw xyz today. The movie was good in first half but failed to keep the interest in second half (Now this might not work if producers become smart enough to run a movie without intermission. However, this is unlikely to happen due to popcorn, samosa, nachos and coke).
• Just back from xyz. The movie was good in parts.
• Saw raavan. Awesome cinematography as usual in a mani ratnam movie. ( I still don't know what exactly is cinematography. Drop in a comment if you know about it)
• A very good story directed poorly or no story but direction was good.
• Saw xyz. As the movie progressed, the plot was lost.
• Saw Ghajini. It is a remake of movie X from Hollywood and Y from Tamil.

I am not writing more. Send me a facebook friend request and I will read the review on your wall.

Wedding

Wedding...

• When you feel empowered enough to demand 3 weeks off from your boss.
• When you will give a 50 rupee note to anyone who blesses you and expect something from you.
• When the teetotaler family will not mind serving alcohol for guest and feel honored.
• When you will touch feet of hundreds of unknown people.
• When you feel interested in Sanskrit shlokas.
• When the photographer will do a photo shoot of you and your spouse on stage in front of everyone and you will think people are smiling instead of laughing.
• When you will wear those clothes which you will never get a chance to flaunt again.
• When every one of your uncles, aunts or friends wants to dress you and will keep on adjusting your dress.
• When your relatives blow trumphets inside your head.
• When you will just do rituals without questioning them.
• When each of your buas (paternal aunt) will come with her version of ritual. 
• When you may lose the license to drink and smoke.
• When everyone except you creates confusion.                                  

If you manage a (north) Indian wedding at home or of a relative, you do not need to learn management skills in B-Schools. If you can survive an (north) Indian home wedding, you will not get brain hemorrhage in your lifetime. Yes, home weddings does a stress test on you.

Letters

I get plenty of emails daily.
I miss letters.
Everybody seems to know my email address but I think if someone has to send me some letter or parcel, he will first call me to know my postal address.

There is a constant pressure to keep up the pace with technology. More so when your work involves technology or you make a living out of it.  If you are not aware of a new smartphone launch in USA on the very next day, you can be comfortably labeled as a layman - which is becoming a derogatory word. Though one was supposed to sleep in India while the launch was taking place in USA. With every new innovation, technology wipes out things from environment or culture. It makes them redundant.

Email is one such product of this fertile specie called technology that has brought a paradigm shift and has made so many things obsolete. Letters written in hand are its biggest causality. Emails don't have a handwriting, they just have fonts. A neat and beautiful handwriting was definitely a impressive skill. No one cares now. Indian post office has lost his daily load of those yellow cards and thin blue papers which were once precious to keep life going.

Emails are fast and make business so effective but somehow I think they fail to strike a personal note. A letter of appreciation written in hand seems more valuable than an email. In schools we were taught letter-writing. The teachers worked hard to teach basics of letter writing such as to always have a subject in business letter and so on. Emails are smart enough to remind us that we have not written a subject if we try to send it without one. Aren't we becoming dumb by relying more on software ? Technology also contribute to generation gap. Parents find it difficult to adopt email and children consider letters not in vogue.

Humans like to create more choice and make their life difficult by picking among those choices. Technology is helping creating those choices. Many a times we say, "It was better when there was only one TV channel- Doordarshan. Now it is only about changing channels through remote and watching nothing effectively". However, this will continue. Humans embrace change brought in by themselves.May be in few decades email will get extinct too. Who knows ?

Technology can make you feel happy but if nostalgia strikes you often, technology can make you sad.

My Dear Govt.

Dear Govt,

I was told that you are keeping a eye on online activity. Hence i wrote this assuming you will read it.

My teachers taught me, 'Democracy is a form of government which is for the people, by the people and of the people'. Back then, I crammed this definition because my comprehension was so poor that i could not understand its meaning. I wish i had not understood it till today. This definition doesn't hold true at least for today. Today it was demon-cracy. Govt can cite laws for Anna Hazare arrest but was it the only way to handle it ? If Anna Hazare was taken for a breakfast this morning with Prime Minister, it would been such a nice gesture than the attempts made to break fast.

Gandhiji protested heavily against British rule. He was put in jail multiple times. That made the national movement even more stronger. British government thought it would help them govern India but it back fired. Are we thinking similarly to British company ? Or are we refuting the fact that Gandhi's method of accepting jail did not reinforced our struggle ? Or we teach something in history books and practice entirely opposite ? Or have we outsourced our brains to balance out the outsourcing done to India ?

One minister said, "Anna fast may have caused traffic problems, others have rights too, to work, to walk on the roads". Sir, for once i thought you are the most caring minister then i thought, What about traffic jams caused by yours red light decorated cars ? Once I was stuck in a traffic jam on a hot noon for one hour in Pune because your party guys had come to Pune to party after winning elections in Maharashtra. I waited helplessly in frustration. Next time i face that i will try to call you. You imposed Section 144 and some silly conditions at JP Park for Anna Hazare fast. Please do the same when a political party rally is held next time anywhere. We all know how public property and resources are used to organize such events.

Your leading party spokesperson said, "Anna Hazare is corrupt citing a 10 year old report, so he should not speak against corruption". Why you didn't do anything against Anna for 10 years ? Were you trying to establish the widely pervasive belief that we are very poor at law enforcement? Or you were waiting for the right moment ? If we go by this logic then we can deduce that i lose my right to speak against corruption for my entire life if i have ever paid a bribe. Then it would have been better to say that since most of us has paid a bribe we cannot protest.

The whole issue has become a point of arguments in newsrooms. Some one will put a argument, other will put a counter argument. They will fight like vamps do in Ekta Kapoor's daily soap. Can't we keep things simple ? What is wrong with discussing ( forget accepting it) a bill carrying sentiments of your own people ? Is our constitution so inflexible that it cannot stretch itself to accommodate aspirations of people of India ? Common we have accepted your laws for so many years, and you don't have the heart to discuss one such from people ? Yes, there is a likelihood of it setting a wrong precedent. But do you think people are fool to protest at such large scale at every such issue ? Yes, we must be, that's why we elected you.

You have taught a great lesson: We have to realize that when we elect toothless leaders we have to accept a toothless bill. Now the onus is on us.

Thanks

Hello, i know you have money

A brief telephonic conversation.

Me: Hello
She: Good afternoon sir, am i speaking to Mr. Gaurav Mittal ?
Me: Yes
She: Sir, this is Neha calling from Citibank. Thank you for having a Citibank Suvidha account with us.
Me: Ah-ha
She: Sir, as you are our privileged customer, Citibank is happy to offer you a personal investment service. We have a very good triple investment plan with Birla Sun Life which will take care of your children education, health problems of you and your family and your retirement. You will get a tax saving under Section 80C and Section X ( I forgot the technical name )
Me: Actually, i am not..
She: Sir, this is not a sales call. This is a service we are offering to only our preferred customers only.
Me: Ok, but i am not in a position to invest money ( genuinely ).
She: Sir, I am in a position where i can arrange for a personal investment cum relationship manager who will come to meet you at your convenient time. He will explain everything to you on paper. This is a free counseling and will take only half an hour to one hour of your time. You may change your mind after meeting him. So at what time should i send him to meet you today ?
Me: Sorry, i cannot meet as i don't think i am in a position to invest money ( genuinely ).
She: Sir, this is a very good plan only available for some time and will have guaranteed returns. You can even start with a very small amount.
Me: Sorry, i can't.
She: No problem sir, may be in future you may be interested in this. Thank you for your time. Have a nice day.
Me: Thank you. Bye.

Do you see the few bold words above ?

your children education, health problems of you and your family - They have assumed i have children and health problems or may be in future i will have. Great!
Actually, i am not..They don't let you speak much. As soon as she sensed a negative response, she made me feel important.
convenient time...free...today First she said convenient time and later assumed i will have some convenient time the same day. And even if it is free counseling, don't we say, Time is Money ?

He...him One might fall for the trap that some girl with a beautiful voice will come to meet you. Check the pronouns used and try to remember the grammar rules.
only available for some time..future First she said it is available for short time and then left open the possibility to call again in future. May be that future is next Saturday.

Almost every week i get a call having similar flavor as above. Sometimes it is Citibank and at others some other bank. It usually comes on a Saturday afternoon. They try to convince me to invest. When i express my inability to do so they want me to meet their investment cum relationship manager who will come to explain everything.

Above was a very professional and polite conversation. Professional from her side and polite from my side. Honestly, i do not feel good when i get such calls and i refuse though i try my best to refuse politely. On few occasion i have been rude also. I have registered myself on 'Do Not Disturb' but i still get calls so one can assume there must be some loopholes in this 'DND' policy. I refuse for genuine reasons but i believe some moody or crisil must have given me a AAA rating in some database which every telemarketing department has access to. If i get the connection details of such database, i would try to drop that database. I am ready to pay a hacker for this service too.

Anyways. Few inferences and some questions.

Almost 90% of the time a girl/women/lady will call me for these investment, insurance and intrusive calls. I may be wrong if they have invented a way to speak in female voice just like they can acquire English accent of USA or UK.

I wonder who calls potential female clients ? Females or males ? Or is it only the male brigade that is most vulnerable to convincing acts over phone ?

These telemarketing departments of banks or third party ( in case the business is outsourced ) must be having a very healthy gender ratio and may be even titled towards females. Takeaway from it, I would give the example of telemarketing job if any heated discussion comes up regarding gender ratio at work.
They have evolved in the sense that now some of them only call on Saturday because on weekdays we find it very easy to say, " I am busy"

Citibank female employees must be having most pleasing voice and polished English. I would love to talk to them for hours if they do not mention a single instance of investment. At least my English will improve if nothing else.

Next Saturday is approaching .. :)

Smartness and Smartphone..

Cellphones quickly turned into necessity from luxury. People got very little time to flaunt them. If you have it you flaunt it but one cannot flaunt when everyone has it. They became like a wrist-watch. Everyone would have one and some would have more than one though it may look odd to wear watches on both hands but to keep two cellphones in pocket would boast about connections. So the auto-rickshaw driver carrying you has a cellphone, the maid coming to work at your home has two cellphones, your friend has one, your office colleague has one, your boss has one. There was nothing to differentiate. Even usage of cellphone was not enough to differentiate you. It would be used to talk, text and to some extent for music. Yes, you may have a western ringtone but that won't make such a huge difference. Entered the Smartphone - A smart cellphone. Smartphone is the latest buzz helping people to differentiate themselves from their competitors. A competitor can be anyone who can arouse your ego.

The word 'smart' is the cool word of present generation just like 'dude', and 'bro' are. The word 'smart' has the potential to change perspective, for example, if today you seek some advice from a experienced professional before entering into corporate world, he or she would say, "do smart work and not hard work". Sounds so cool though how to do smart work is a matter of research. I don't know whether a cellphone is called smartphone because it has lot of software intelligence build into it or it is called smartphone because it makes you smart and hence differentiate you. Some say whatever it is, at the end of day it makes you smart. So, the word 'smart' has done the trick for cellphones.

People are busy buying smartphones. They wait for the first of next month to invest into a product which they think can make them smart or is making others smart. But does it really make you smart ? I am not sure. I still do not have one. I do not know that the first of which month will make me buy one. But till that time I have come up with a mathematical equation to counter all of you who has a smartphone.

The sum total of smartness of you and your phone is constant.

Those of you who have still not bought a smartphone can apply my equation before deciding which one to buy if it is not disturbing for you.

Torna Trek

Pune is a amazing city in the sense that you just have to travel less than 50 km to escape away from concrete jungle and immersed yourself into life so away from roads, traffic, noise, office, internet and mobile network. It becomes much more bewitching during Monsoon. I used to think that to do treks one needs days as you have to travel far from city. But this perception changed after coming to Pune. I have been to few places in Maharashtra and its landscapes always mesmerize me. This time I went for a one day trek to Torna and it was quite a exceptional experience.

It is so scenic in Monsoon that one take time to comprehend the surroundings and still the mysticism remains unsolved. Monsoon is like a aesthetician, who pays annual visit to adorn the whole landscape. It deluges everything and gives birth to hundreds of waterfalls and tributaries.

As soon as we started from the village, this small river came to welcome us. We wanted to remain dry for as long as possible but for this little water stream which was all set to throw water on our plans. As if it wants to make sure that your feet are washed so that it can keep the hills pristine.

Over the hills the wind was quite strong. Those who think they are over-weight will feel happy in this force of wind energy. One understands why we have two ears, so that air can enter one and escape from other else you might get blew away. The combined force of incessant rains and wind is like a natural water canon used for protestors and in intruders. Yes we humans were intruders here. Drops were falling on faces like hundreds of thin arrows pinching you hard.

And as if the winds and rains were not enough, the fog also crosses your path frequently leaving behind a mist on your spectacles. Sometimes you really hate wearing spectacles. Why they have not invented spectacles with wiper yet ?

A unique plant on the hills. Looks like a group of tortoise coming out of water down the hills ascending so slowly that they always apper immovable. I believe its shape give it the strength to survive the winds. The greenery on mountains is like a huge sheet of velvet fabric showing its different shades as air moves over it. The bushes creates pattern as if anacondas are passing through them.

Sometimes attack is the best defense. Since rains were drenching us hard, we drenched ourselves in waterfalls to neutralize the rains. I almost developed hydrophobia.

After rain soaking ourselves in water and we soaking ourselves in waterfall, this tapri provided the much needed relief by providing the favorite beverage of India, chai. The warmth of holding the hot glass in hands was sufficient to order it twice.

Finally a bath in a more civilized waterfall.

All in all a unique experience. It is not a long trek, however one day is less to comprehend the looks of nature . There are couple of rough and steep rock patches which becomes more difficult to descend in rain. When you go to places like torna and put effort to ascend and descend it , the comfort of life in city comes to your mind. You will want to go back and feel better in your lifestyle but only for few days.

Cellphones ke side effects...

Cellphones are frequently referred as Mobiles though there is nothing mobile about them. They just remain with you while you move. There is hardly any relative motion between you and your cellphone. You take them to your office, you take them to bedroom(s), you take them with you when you go for a walk, you take them to restaurants and parties and you take them with you in toilets. It goes wherever you go, it just depends what all places you go. Sometimes you even manages to take them to places where you are not supposed to take it such as temples, museums and jail. Yes, You are so smart!

Recently there has been a lot of debate around cellphones causing cancers or making you infertile if you keep them into your trouser's pockets. There has been a experiment where someone boiled a egg using radiation of cellphone. All sorts of reports to wake up PR cells in cellphone companies. Of course all cellphones companies have denied that. Moreover, they don't have to worry much as cellphones have entered into our lives just like television, alcohol, tobacco or drugs and one might need special treatment to avoid them.

Nevertheless consider some side effects of cellphones...

1. Girls can lose more weight if they stop bringing their cellphones to gym. For one hour spent in gym half an hour is spent on cellphone & other half an hour on anticipating calls and SMS.

2. Cellphones makes your memory free (useless). No one makes effort to put things into brain. People just prefer putting them into cellphones.

3. Bad handwriting. If computers and emails are responsible for making you hand write less and less, cellphones have even taken away the little opportunity away from you as you prefer taking short notes through your touchscreens.

4. No surprise visit by your friend or relative. One is expected to call before ringing the door bell.

5. Before saying 'hello' you know who is calling. So no voice surprises. Now no one ask, 'Who is speaking ?' or says, 'Pehchana kya?'. There is a feel good when someone recognizes your voice.

6. Less mystery and suspense in life with blank calls going completely out of fashion.

7. Less chances of getting-eyes-in-eyes-moments with girls or boys on road. The moment girl feels awkward on seeing a boy on road or a bus stand she is quick to become cozy with little instrument containing the world.

8. People have become more tolerant to unpunctuality as they have cellphone to play with while they wait.

9. Optimism has reduced its lifespan. For example, If one is waiting for a call from someone then your optimism may die as soon as you see the screen before you hear the voice.

10. Interpersonal skills take a severe beating. You remain engrossed in your cellphone while in a public transport, office cab or at a party. You don't meet new people on your own. You stop using your senses to observe.

I guess 10 is too much.

Wah Taj!

Last week I got an opportunity to enter & see the famous Taj Mahal Palace hotel at Gateway of India, Mumbai. I had seen it from outside so many times & have always desired to spent sometime inside it. If i remember correctly when i was doing my summer internship in Mumbai in 2004, me & my friend entered it & came out after using the restroom on the top floor of its new building or tower. That was a very juvenile effort & a short lived adventure. The longing to see it from inside was still there. Last week it got fulfilled partially. It was more of a confident & relaxed visit as I had the invitation to enter it & attend one session in its Gateway Hall. The few hours i was inside flew away in no time. It was as if earth was spinning at speed of light. I have been to only few five star hotels but this one is beyond any scale of rating. A sheer beauty.

The building is always like a beautiful Indian bride on her wedding day waiting anxiously for its groom. You feel the aura of its hospitality in the air. An ascetic may get tempted to appreciate its luxury. The halls are warm and quiet, galleries are majestic, staircases are magical and lobby if full of life. Each of its gallery wall is a history book of this building & India. They tell you about those famous gatherings and parties it has played host to. The dance that was performed on its red carpet or the menu that was served to queen or the melody that was played to made the ambiance. You get an insight into how princely & wealthy India was. My slow senses took too long to comprehend the portraits and pictures on its wall. When you look outside from the window of Gateway Hall, you see the Arabian sea & its waves desperate to touch this building to make love. The various boats being attracted towards it. The Gateway of India guarding the palace and welcoming the guests. You see people below on street happy to click themselves in front of this Palace. Photographers still managing to find business in this age of digital camera. Various tonga-wallahs giving royal rides to people. So much of euphoria.

Yes I was in awe for few hours !

Not all people are bad..

My experiences with auto-rickshaw drivers have always been bad. I am not sure why i always used to land up in arguments with auto-rickshaw drivers. May be it was my bad luck, my behavior or just bad auto-rickshaw drivers. It would be fair to assume it was due to mix of all those. But now i can think beyond this jinx because few days back I finally met one auto rickshaw driver who was good enough to make you feel less cynical about this world.

I took an auto-rickshaw to office in the morning after thinking that i have missed my office bus. ( though later i came to know the bus was late ). The bill was Rs. 63. I gave auto-rickshaw driver Rs.100. He said he doesn't have change. My office is in a so called modern cyber city where all sophisticated means are adopted to make it look like a western world. Street vendors or shops are not allowed. It becomes very difficult to get a change. Sometimes i wonder about opening a business of tendering change & end up making more money than my job. I tired to get change from security people around & all those people i could see nearby. None had it. I kept on trying for couple of minutes. 'Baad mei de dena', said the driver. I couldn't believe it. There was calmness & assurance in his voice. I was surprised because a similar kind of incidence has happened with me before where the auto-rickshaw driver took Rs. 100 and told me that he will find me near my home to give me the remaining amount. I have never seen him till now. I asked the driver to keep Rs. 100 & give me the remaining amount later if he finds me next time near my home. He refused saying, 'Aap mujhe de doge, mei aapko nahi de payunga'. What indifference & honesty ! It was if he wanted to repair the trust deficit or wanted to challenged my values. I was nonplussed, felt helpless and couldn't force him to take Rs. 100. It didn't struck me to take his mobile number but as he went away i noted his auto-rickshaw number because now the onus is on me.

In this cynical world of self interests they say not all people are bad, you will encounter some good people in your life. It's TRUE.

Joy of a billion plus nation...

How do you soak in the feeling of a billion plus nation going crazy with tears, laughter, hugs, jumps, dance, whistling & what not ? It's not easy to take these emotions. For a outsider it would take a while to understand what is going on. A therapeutic method will fail to contain it. You might do something which may make you feel embarrassed afterwards. But that is just OK ! It's not easy to be different among crazy fans to show how happy you are. You will find someone else doing more than you in celebration. You won't mind that! This is that moment which can be mentioned as one of the happiest moment, the moment when your inhibitions will find it difficult to resist you, the moment when you won't mind spending the last penny in your account to spend on celebrations.

India winning a world cup becomes more dramatic & emotional when you bring in the picture a man called Sachin Tendulkar. No one can write a better script than this for Sachin who was carried by Yusuf Pathans & Virat Kohlis on their shoulders all round the ground after that winning moment. It happened finally in his sixth world cup, in his home ground & in front of our eyes. Virat Kholi puts it perfectly when he said, "Sachin was carrying us all along for 22 long years, its time we carry him". This belong as much to you Sachin as it belongs to India.

I am in USA as i write this. I know there cannot be a bad timing than this to be outside India. I woke up at 4 AM to catch the match. Every ball of it was crucial, some were taking us close to the cup at the end of dark tunnel while some were creating more darkness. Still with every ball we were moving. That is what mattered in the end. Well played Guys! What a sensible batting! Me and my friend went berserk at that last helicopter shot by Dhoni. My friend went in hotel lobby to dance & whistle. Hotel staff couldn't understand the feelings. They thought he was mad. They were right. Our hotel owner ( an Indian ) was not at all worried at the outcome of this final. He said, "We have already won the world cup by beating Pakistan the other day". We couldn't stop laughing in joy. I tried calling friends back in India but couldn't get through any number. Apparently all networks can't take the load of joy of billion plus nation. We will celebrate more with Desi junta but nothing that can be matched with India! People in India will find it hard to sleep when they are seeing a dream. For us it is a long day to celebrate.

On the couch with barber

I am sure almost all of you must have waited inside barber-shop ( ok beauty parlor for ladies ) for your turn on a weekend unless off course you were born bald. Have you ever thought while waiting inside a barber-shop that the profession of barber is unique in the sense that here one works maximum over the weekend ? Ironical ! And a barber never complains about working on a weekend. In fact barber earns most of his monthly income on 8-10 days ( Assuming people count Saturday and Sunday as weekend ). It is also true that while a barber uses his time most efficiently over the weekend, his customers waste most of their time waiting for their turn.

To wait is one activity which i finds challenging & demands considerable effort from me. It irritates. I usually gets this irritation once a month unless my hairs decides to grow too slow or too fast. It is very unlikely that you immediately get your turn when you walk inside the barber-shop. You would generally wait and leaf through several Bollywood magazines. Suddenly you would sense that one seat is about to get unoccupied as barber is finished with hair-cut. But the irritation gets aggravated when you realize that person sitting on the chair has gone into hibernation because on a weekend you are expected to sleep long. It doesn't matter that this come on a barber couch. This is the opportunity for which the barber was waiting. He is a smart professional service provider who works on basic fundamental of extracting maximum out of his customer by keeping him engage for as much time as possible. The barber keeps on working over his client, whispering something into his ears & getting a nod in response. When the barber is about to complete the hair cut, he will slowly whispers into the ear of his client to ask, "Shall I shave you ?" The client nods. When the barber is halfway shaving and the blade is exactly on customer's throat, he will whisper, "Would you like to go for a facial, you have some dark spots on your nose ?" Try saying no or shake head in denial in this position. A nod is the only gesture customer can afford to make. Soon the client will be turned into a ghost with yellow paste all over his face. The customer would even enjoy the few slaps on his cheeks barber would give him while doing face massage. In about half an hour more the barber would be done and would adjust the chair to give his client a jolt to wake him up.

So much of irritation! You lose your hairs. You lose your money. You lose your time. It makes me nostalgic too by reminding me of my days in our village when a barber will come home to offer his services to make heads of whole family a bit lighter for a fraction of money we pay today.

When-romance-gets-kicked-off-on cellphone..

Observation is a great way to spend time. Try to observe things around you and chances are you will find something interesting. If you put that interesting thing for analysis in your brain, you may find some pattern, correlation or deviation. Have you ever observed the role played by cellphone in the life of people whose marriage gets fixed or arranged by their parents or guardians ? I have. These observations have been collated over a number of years seeing my friends, relatives, office colleagues & flatmates.

As soon as people get fixed (pardon me for using the word 'fixed', but this word is used so freely) cellphone gets a new life in their life. They get hooked to their cellphones like never before. Their time gets divided into two parts. One in doing things and other in reporting those things over phone. The romance gets kicked off on cellphone and 24 hours become less in a day. The people for whom cellphone will be the last accessory to carry when they leave for office, may forget to wear their underwear but can no longer be separated from their cellphones. Many a times a person has to buy a separate phone and a service plan to keep that hot line always alive, uncluttered and/or cheap . Cellphone no longer remains 'Single'. Yes, it's a bit ironical that the cellphone loses its Single' status and get a companion before its possessor. The person will now have two cellphones, two numbers and of course two bills. I remember about that reliance phone handset which became a symbol of 'committed' status. Similarly there are other behavioral patterns one can easily imagine.

I wonder why telecoms operators fighting so hard for market share in India don't have any plans to cater to needs of people who are about to get married ( If they have one then i am ignorant ). May be they can tie up with matrimonial websites and launch some attractive offers and plans and also consider spamming our mailbox. May be the parents or guardians can consider giving a cellphone and some talk-time to their children once the deal (again sorry for the word ) is done. A advertisement on theme of arranged couple would certainly look nice for a service provider.

P.S. I am not yet married

Handwriting - The obsolete skill

I remember when i was allowed to write in pen as a consequence of coming in fourth standard in school, my teachers, parents & friends advised me to use fountain pen & not ball point pen for first few years. They had a reason that this will improve my handwriting. I believed them though i am still not sure of any scientific reason behind this theory. I got very conscious of this fact because handwriting was such an important aspect of your personality. There used to be a term called Calligraphy. Parents used to boast about their children penmanship. So i also wanted to transit from poor handwriting to good handwriting as i transit from pencil to pen.

In couple of years I improved my handwriting to an extent that i started receiving compliments from friends & teachers. They would say even my rough work is better than their fair work. The rough work i used to do in sidelines of exams copy used to be so clear that teachers could make out very easily that i calculated 17 X 8 there since i don't remember the table of 17. Even girls used to compliment my handwriting though I always considered good handwriting a domain area of girls at school.

I used to feel proud of a skill capable enough to impress others, even girls. Unfortunately, not anymore. Damn these computers. Now i hardly use pen ( don't even keep one). Even when i have to sign, i often have to beg for a pen. Sometimes I wonder why they made me labor in cursive writing in school ? Now everyone has same handwriting ( yes, may be different fonts). Gone are the days when we use to crack the joke in class that one may get 1 out of 10 and that too for good hand writing. I don't know how seriously the art or science & business of graphology is affected? I remember once one girl, who knew some rules of graphology, told me I am good at maths because i make letter 'g' similar to number '8'. I cannot tell you how much i believed & loved that.

Computers have taken away the skill of penmanship from humans. Yes, people with not so good handwriting may say Computer together with internet is a great leveler. But people with good handwriting feels less skilled. Last 20 years has made many things antiques so quickly. There are many things to feel nostalgic for. Handwriting is one of those.

P.S. The irony of the situation is i wanted to write more and more on blog this new year but didn't thought whether it would be in pen or in electronic fonts.